Kathleen

reblog

stephenjames:

if you just don’t really like facebook.

Time/Change

Its Changed and Over Time I Have Changed Is It Time That Causes Change Or Is It Change that Causes Time To Be Differant

June 8, 2009

I just need something to vent, because I feel like I cant talk to anyone about anything anymore. My life is a box that I cant just..leave. There are locks and chains, that are held together by a key that was thrown into the ocean. That’s what my life is right now. A box..or a cage. But I created the cage myself, because I trusted to easily..and now my trust is exactly what I don’t even have in myself. I have found that as myself, I have the most MASSIVE mood swings ever. It takes a small trigger to make me go from the happiest person in the world, to the most depressed. That has happened a lot lately. But right now I only have one thought in mind. Apparently I cant be human because of my age. What I mean by this is that I cant make human mistakes because its to simple now. Im almost sixteen and any mistake I make should be much much more complicated then accidentally leaving on the sink. I thought I turned it off, in my mind I DID turn it off, yet I didn’t in real life apparently. I went to the bathroom, came back to my room, and started typing a story. Then someone knocks on my bedroom door and Gail, my step mom, is yelling at me because “you would think that a girl who is almost sixteen would know to turn off the sink.” What about my brother who is now 14 who doesn’t flush the toilet, change his sheets when the dog pees on it, and brakes stuff so often. Yet I am the one who gets in trouble for small HUMAN mistakes, because my age is close to sixteen. To simple a mistake. I should be making mistakes like..well..what. Im almost sixteen and forgot something. What mistakes am I aloud to make? Non-human ones apparently. But that would be too difficult to screw up for me. So much is going on right now that is hard to handle. For the first time in my life, there is a guy that I like that just might actually like me, though I still am not convinced that he does. It feels like he only wants to be friends. Maybe its because that’s how he treats me, exactly the way all my other friends. But at the same time..he hasn’t. And that’s what makes me like him. Its complicated. It feels like he only wants to be friends, but it feels like he wants to be more. He is ALWAYS there. I can talk to him about everything, and he says he feels like he can tell me anything. He has told me a lot. But I don’t know if its everything. What if he does like me? A guy would be embarrassed to date me. I’m a 5’3” “obese” girl who not too overweight, but still is. Black hair that is fading back to its natural medium length brown color. Needs to be re-dyed. My outfits are always skinny jeans and band teeshirts any more, except my ONE Mario&Yoshi shirt I have. My face has scars on it from me picking at zits, forcing myself to wear makeup to cover it up every day. Which works.. Mostely. But that’s my life right. At least he MIGHT like me at all, you know? But why do I complain? I have a guy that might actually like me, the best friends I have ever had in my life, and Im starting to look the way I want, losing weight and zits. So why? Because the pure fact is, I have some kind of emotional problem. And this problem, though I don’t know what it is, causes my massive mood swings. I have lost friends over it. My old best friend stopped being my best friend cause I called her a bitch. (of course not ALL the fault was mine as I called her a bitch for kicking me out of the band we were in.) But its my life. I need to learn that I DO have ways of life. Things that bring me to each day. Peace, Love, Music, and God. That’s all I need. Friends, family, school, all of that is a result of those things. And when I lose myself.. That’s what I need to remember. To go back to the basics of who I am. Ya I know this is long..Its more of a reminder to myself. Its myself going back to the basics..

June 4, 2009

Okay so I have been pretty depressed lately. I have spent the past 3 days laying on the floor, on my laptop, drinking dr pepper. Which for anyone who knows me, knows that is like my cig. So alot has happened lately. Whatever. I recorded some shit for my friends band, which worked out pretty well. That was Yesterday. Today I went and hung out with RyanTang and it was amazing. It was exactly what I needed to get me out of my little depressing rut, though I am not giving up Dr Pepper

May 31, 2009

Went to Polar Ice yesterday with tylor connor tylerDAVIS and craig it was wayy fuhn..and very interesting haha anyway. thats what i did yesterday. my thought today: are chances worth taking when you dont know the outcome? when you FEAR what the outcome can be? Definatly. “What the fuhn without the mystery?” fur sure. im taking a chance today. wish me luck

May 26, 2009

ya so.. lmao. im bored as fuzzmonkeys. i wannaaa chill :/ whatevvs lmao i wanna write a song now haha

May 24, 2009

Hmm. Okay so this is my first blog ever. YAY! :D anyway..uhm I guess I will just talk about my day. My day has been pretty boring. I have been thinking all day. I have been thinking about a few things. Lately, well, alot has happened. I lost my best friend, and now she is say S**t behind my back. I have made some amazing friends, which makes me realize what I never had until now. These people make my life amazing, not miserable like my past. So I am okay with losing that “best friend” cause she never really was. I have nothing but hope, faith, and music in my mind. “Lovin is what I got” -Sublime. There are no more lies, just love. <3 So..I will add more tomorrow, but for now, I’m chill <3<3<3